My best friend...

My best friend gave me the best advice! She said each day's a gift... And not a given right!

Yes, that might be true...

Seattle is so far away, and i don't want to leave My friends. And anyways they would haunt me! Not my friends.. but someone other. Lena is away again. I don't know where she is or what she does.

A friend of mine said that i should continue my blog. I think I'll do that.



11.6.13 16:17, kommentieren


Take my heart and destroy it!

I came back from School...

And I came to the conclusion that i probably move to Seattle. I mean, why not? Live's here not the best but... Better than my older life! I lived 12 years in an orphanage...

Every fucking time someone rips my fucking heart out of my fucking rip Cage, takes it, and breaks it! But I'm used to it!

I'll dye my hair dark blonde again, like it was before. I'll let it grow Long and just live on the Little farm..

I'll buy no new phone! But I will continue writing in my blog, because...

...i don't know why but maybe Snake will adopt me! He said it, but maybe it doesn't works! But maybe...



10.6.13 14:52, kommentieren

Stan's grave

Lena came back!

She said she want to go to Stan's grave! Stan was one of her best friends! He died in her arms!

Lena just sat in front of is grave and stared at the grave Stone! I stood behind her and watched her! Tears ran silently down her face. She didn't look sad, she was just without any emotions.

As i stood behind her i watched other People on the graves of their Familys and friends. There was a funeral too... A funeral of a Little child! The mother layed on the coffin of her child, crying like she's dying! I'm pretty sure that she died! Inwardly! I got this thoughts again! Lena just stared at the grave Stone for an hour!

This funeral from the Little child was touching! The pain cries from the mother and the father were horrible... after half an hour i needed to leave! I couldn't stay this horrible experience!

So i Need to ask: Where's the difference between death and life?

Many People i know say, that you are free when u are dead, but i don't believe this anymore...

I tried to kill myself now 4 times! But dead is no solution!

9.6.13 14:18, kommentieren

"Just a little bit desperate!"

Okay something goes COMPLETELY wrong in my life! At the Moment I have suicide thoughts but i try to come away from them, but shit! It don't works! I was away from cutting and suicide but I don't get away anymore!

but anyways...

I try to stay alive, because of one person! Of ONE person!

My exbestfriend came to me today morning! I said she should go! She has done something veery bad to me and i din't want to see her anymore! Lena and Snake are away too...

I don't know where they are so what the hell i should do??

I'm desperate...

9.6.13 10:46, kommentieren



My Name is Colin...

I want to tell you my life!

It was and is still hard! I'm living together with my best friend Lena and her Brother Snake.

I'm an emo from the heart! I never will Change my style. I think I'm in love...

When you hate me, okay!! But leave me alone then, because you Need not to read my thoughts!!

I'm not insane, weird or stuff like that! My reality is just different than yours! 

well... that was my part for today!


8.6.13 14:31, kommentieren